An Abstruse Episode

A legion of thoughts kept bombarding me in an unusual way. My weird mind had unknowingly started an expedition inside a wild cave of darkness and uncertainty. I felt hopeless. I left office in quite a hurry. On my way to my room, I had a cup of coffee from the Cafeteria. Even caffeine couldn't be of much help. It was one of those depressing days that you would want to go home and sleep.

The lonely walk to my room which was supposed to be calm extended my suffering. The same old narrow pathways, pale street-lights and dark skies added to the distress. I switched on the TV as I entered my room. A TV anchor was having a puerile conversation with one of the callers. Then started a song that (kind of) emulated my feelings,

" ಅಲೆ ಮೂಡದೆ ನಿಂತಿದೆ ಸಾಗರ
ತುಸು ದೂರವೇ ನಿಂತನು ಚಂದಿರ
ದನಿ ಬಾರದೆ ನಿಂತಿದೆ ಆ ಸ್ವರ
ಮಾತಾಡಲು ಮೂಡಿದೆ ಅಂತರ
ಈ ಕಂಪನ ಏಕಾಂತ ತಂದಿದೆ 
ಕಂಡ ಕನಸು ಮತ್ತೀಗ ನನ್ನಲ್ಲಿ ಬರದಾಗಿದೆ......"

In no time, I chose my bed over TV. I tried hard to sleep but couldn't close my eyes off. My unruly mind had been infected with trivial to profound matters of my life. Once in a while, I unlocked my cellphone, connected to wifi and read all the notifications. It was getting terrible after some time. Someone was holding the time as their slave and didn't allow it to move freely as it used to. All those inspiring posts on my Facebook timeline and motivating quotes on Twitter didn't have an impact on me, anymore. But...the problem behind all this strife was unclear. 

My optimism was shrinking as the night got darker. The agnostic in me had transformed into a firm believer in God. I had started to pray the almighty like never before. The fighting spirits had surrendered to the intimidating present. I was no more in control of what was happening.

The main reason behind these periodic blue days was ambiguous. I wasn't suffering from a broken relationship, my job was not that unconvincing and even RCB was winning a few matches these days. But we all have that audacious part in us which wants to explore life and do whatever our soul really wishes to. It wants us to unleash the full potential in us and do whatever is possible from us or even more than that. 

Just like it happens with most of us, I didn't have a genuine problem to be unhappy and this became my biggest problem. The mediocrity of my life was beating the shit out of my mind. The biggest problem, with most of us, is that we don't have a genuine problem. We are either in search of a problem or consider this life-without-problems as a problem. We never make an effort to change the way things are. And when we plan to do so, we hardly try for a longer time. This was disturbing me a lot. Life was lifeless, to say the least. I know, it sounds weird but that's what bothers a few of us, at least. As this soul-searching and grief continued my alarm started ringing with the most depressing tone as I snoozed it for 3rd time.

Yet another day was waiting with it's claws open for me.